DJDS Debutes New Color War Events

SATIRE- In a surprise move last night, Denver Jewish Day School seniors announced a new color war event: goat busting! Based on the traditional kid activity at the rodeo, mutton busting, goat busting puts a DJDS™ spin on the popular event. 

Mutton Busting is traditionally done with sheep and small children who are between the ages of 4-7 and weigh less than 60 lbs. At DJDS, we have something similar: goats and 6th graders. 

“I know that goats can only carry around 35 pounds on their back,” said the senior class representative. “That’s why it's perfect for our middle schoolers.” 

The rules of the game, announced last night, state that two brave 6th graders from each team will ride the goats for as long as they can with determination and the knowledge that whoever holds on for longer could clinch the win for their team.

This announcement comes only days after the seniors found a solution to their dwindling class size. “We have also invited the old folks from across the street to participate in color war events,” said another senior planning Color War. “This will no doubt fill the gap in our class.” 

As of now the senior residents will not be competing in goat busting but will participate in the no-teeth pie eating contest, break dancing, competitive Bingo, and so much more. 

“I thought I was getting on the bus to go visit the Botanical Gardens, but it turns out we’re going to… wait where are we going again,” said Beatrice Longbottom, a patient at “the home.”  

This news is part of a series of announcements on how color war is changing this year, from the ongoing debate on topics as diverse as should quilt still be called quilt (it's more of a banner) to if color war should be marked on the school calendar, to whether or not there should be more than two teams next year (three-way tug-a-war anyone?)! Stay tuned for more announcements and the inside scoop of the minds of our great senior class.