Farmette Receives CapyBara to 'Keep the Chickens Company'

SATIRE- Recently, the Denver Jewish Day School Farmette has been feeling empty and lonely due to the lack of animals. In response to this, the farmette has decided to invest in five more creatures- capybaras. The capybaras have been a great new addition to the farmette. 

They are very social, especially with the little kids. “She looks like my mom,” exclaimed a third grader. The capybaras love to swim in their own personal new Olympic-sized swimming pool. However, this has led to some minor disobedience by the students. 

“The pool is just for the capybaras, however, I did watch a few sixth graders hop in the pool to try and play with them the other day,” said Alix Kivlin, the farmette director. “It was not a pretty sight- that’s all I’ll say.” 

Capybaras are often called giant guinea pigs, unfortunately, they are not as easy to take care of as guinea pigs. They need a large amount of exercise daily, and cannot be left to sit. To combat this, the lower division has been taking them on walks down to the creek, where they can dip their toes in the water. They also need occasional baths and haircuts which Alix is specialized in! 

The farmette has 5 baby capybaras: Barry, Cappy, Chubs, Piggy, and Mr. Chomps. Barry is very social and loves to snuggle with students, which was “okay” until the snuggling incident of 2025- anyway... 

Barry loves to eat apples, Baja Blasts, and Crunch Wraps from Taco Bell. However, this isn’t very good for the capybaras (or humans) and has recently led to increased flatulence and defecation which has turned the new pool brown. “It reminded me of my grandmother's chicken noodle soup- extra chunky,” said an anonymous high school student when they saw the pool.

 Cappy is best friends with the goat Carlita and they love to spend their time eating endless amounts of hay together. Cappy got his name because he loves to wear innertubes as hats when swimming in their Olympic-sized swimming pool. Or at least before the pool turned brown. 

 Chubs is most definitely a foodie; he loves his hay, grass, and his fruit. Chubs will basically eat anything you put in front of his mouth. Chubs is a favorite among students, but is currently undergoing a name change because (according to the administration) it “promotes a fatphobic, body shaming environment.” Other proposed names by the administration include: Bob, David, and Tyler.  

 Piggy is the littlest one. She is only 10 pounds. Piggy (aka “Piggie Smalls”) loves to watch the muppets with Alix. Once something more “risqué” comes on, such as Caillou, Alix puts the little ones to sleep and watches with just Mr. Chops. Mr. Chomps is the leader of the capybaras. He sets his own rules in the farmette. He gets his name from constantly eating other people's hair. “Mr. Choms is such a big back,” said Soren Goldberg-Butler, a Junior. 

Overall the capybaras were the best edition the farmette could ever have got, teaching the students so much and keeping the chickens, cats, and goats company.

In the future, Alix hopes to add a “goat and capybara yoga club” to the vast selection of DJDS Wednesday clubs and is “hopeful” and “confident” that this club will be accepted.