Hands Speak Louder: Building a Bond With My Deaf Cousin

Eight years ago, my cousin Samantha—Sam—was born deaf. At that time, I didn’t fully understand the extent to which that meant, but I knew one thing: If I wanted to talk to her, I would need to learn a new language. I tried to learn American Sign Language (ASL), but I was an unmotivated eight-year-old. A few days of practice felt like enough, and I quit. Years went by, and we did not see each other until recently.

Six months ago, when Sam visited Colorado, the gap between us was painfully clear. My cousins and I are all very close, but none of us could include or talk to Sam. Only my cousin, Emma Wohlauer, knew how to fingerspell, and even that was limited. Watching Sam sit quietly at the edge of the group, wanting to be a part of the chaos of cousins but unable to join, hit me hard. 

More recently, I had a school assignment where I wasn’t allowed to speak for 24 hours. It was incredibly isolating. Even surrounded by people, I felt disconnected, frustrated, and left out of conversations that were happening right in front of me. That assignment made me realize how Sam must have been feeling every time we were all together. 

After she left, Emma and I made a pact. We decided to learn the alphabet and some basic signs, such as play, eat, and dog, so that we could communicate with Sam, at least a little bit, the next time we saw Sam. 

For months, we sent each other videos and practiced words. It was awesome. I loved learning a new language, and couldn’t wait to use it to build a real relationship with my cousin. 

This past September, we visited family in San Francisco, and I saw Sam again. I couldn’t wait to sign with her. But our first interaction did not go well. I was nervous, unsure about my signing, and very aware of my family watching. Emma felt the same. It was awkward and embarrassing. 

Sam’s mom, Glenda, encouraged us to try again. So we did. The next afternoon, Emma and I asked Sam, in ASL, if she wanted to play with the rest of the cousins. She shyly nodded “yes,” and just like that, she joined in. We spent the afternoon playing hide and seek and tossing a ball around, finally developing a friendship using signs. We were all so happy. 

That day, Sam stopped being just the cousin I couldn’t talk to. I learned that she’s incredibly athletic,  always moving, and loves hanging out with everyone. I was able to discover all of that from just a handful of simple signs. 

Coincidentally, on our way home from California, Emma and I were signing in the airport when an interpreter and a Deaf woman came up to us. They were overjoyed that we were learning ASL, and they talked with us for a long time. They also recommended Lingvano, an app for anyone who wants to start learning. 

Today, I’m continuing to learn ASL through Brigham Young University (BYU). I love the language so much, and I love talking to people with my hands. This course has an asynchronous learning component as well as Zoom tutors whom I have the opportunity to practice signing with twice a week.  

In the U.S., there are about 11 million Deaf people and six to seven million people who are fluent in sign language. To most people, sign language seems simple–like you just move your hands and form words. But the reality is more complex. ASL uses facial expressions, body movements, and specific hand placements. It’s a beautiful language, full of personality and emotion. 

And it’s more accessible than people think. If you’re interested in learning, there are many ways to start: Lingvano, American Sign Language dictionary platforms, online university courses, and YouTube videos. But the best way to learn is to sign with someone directly.

For me, ASL opened a door, not just a language, but a relationship I didn’t want to miss out on. And it all started with wanting to talk to Sam.